Cultural Staples That Are Not Fun

Culture is a cruel, sadistic step-mother that decides what will be fun with out our input. Then she forces us join in or be faced with ridicule from the evil step sister that is pop culture. Have no fear, Prince Charming is here. Prepare to be liberated from all the un-fun things that have held you hostage in its web of mythological fun.

#5 Swimming pools
Without something to huck into the pool, the standard swimming pool is about as fun as listening to a hippie talk about diversity. You can go under water and float. You can swim laps staring at a black line. You can throw a ball back an forth. You can put on goggles and look at the torsos of complete strangers. That's about it.

#4 Fireworks
This is a thing based solely in tradition. Few people enjoy fireworks for the actual fireworks. In reality they are more of an excuse for people to sit and not be in front of a screen which is a good thing. It is just too bad it only happens once a year. They might be loud and colorful, but that is about it. Granted they have the potential to be real art but most firework displays are simply perfunctory duties of the local fire department. The shows that are really impressive are often made even less fun by being a part of #3.

#3 Festivals
It is generally considered cool and cultured to go leave the 'burbs and drive to the nearest city scene and attend some summer festival. It does not really matter what kind of festival it is, the story is all the same: 1) Spend forever looking for parking 2) walk around a ogle at the hardcore rib makers or passionate musicians or the plethora of Hispanics or men in lady's jeans. 3) ogle at the absurd prices for ribs or tacos or worthless hippie nic-nacs 4) look for ATM machine to get cash to buy afore mentioned nic-nacs 5) regret what ever you buy approximately 23.6 seconds after you buy it. 6) wander around waiting for someone in the group to decide somewhere to go 7) finally decide to go back to the suburbs to watch a movie 8) feel cultured.

#2 Apples to Apple
This game frustrates me to no end. I will not ramble but basically, this game is the essence of arbitrary hippie feely-ness. It is a game of random associations and creating your own logic. It can be fun, but I have had much more fun, laughed harder, and gotten much more meaning from just sitting around a table and talking about what ever happen to come up, we did not need little cards to tell us what talk about. Maybe I don't want to talk about associating Bill Clinton with Shiny. But unfortunately, simply sitting and talking is, for whatever reason, extremely socially unacceptable in a group. Unless you are at #1.

#1 Bars
"Let's go to a crowded, noisy place to hang out with the same people we could hang out with in the comfort of our own home with infinitely cheaper drinks." For some reason, it is only cool to talk with your friends at a place that is not conducive to talking at all. According to culture, losers stay at home and talk. Cool people go and spend a lot of money and talk over obnoxious, thumping music until our voices are gone. Whoever was on the coolness committee is that decided this should be shot. Bars do serve some purpose if you want to creep out girls, begin meaningless relationship that won't out last the night, acquire an STD, or be manipulated into buying people drinks. That said, I am probably going to several tonight.



You may also notice that this list of things [except for bars] are fun until you are 6-9, and then cease to be fun until you can try it again with a significant other or if you are with the right group of people. Thus the beauty of life peeks through. People can make anything fun.