Stuff

Being in college, I move about every 3-4 months. This has grown my disgust for stuff. Things that I own [which in reality are really a sheer extravagance to have] feel like weights to be carried and remembered and cared for. Moving back this year, i took only the essentials and found that a huge majority of my stuff is just stuff. However, there is nothing new under the sun and as usual, this idea that I am stumbling around trying to say has been said before.

Click here.

An Except.

Here is an excerpt from a book I am writing. This is from chapter 3. A little context: the main character is a chauch. It is intentional and have no fear, later on he will learn his lesson. The first two chapters are posted on the other website.

Citing ‘family reasons’, I duck out of work earlier. When you say family reasons they always assume the worst and nod sympathetically. I snag a cab in the cold gray mistiness that prematurely ushers in the night and head to the rental place and pick up a jet black, six speed, sex-on-wheels and stop and go all the back home, calling a head to tell her to brings the bags back down so we can get on with it.

Pulling in to the warmly lit covered valet area in front of our building, I pull up to the far side where she is waiting in her long black pea coat with our two overly stylish suitcases. Damn, I love that efficiency. With a foxy little smile, she checks out the car with apparent approval. I kiss her forehead as I grab the luggage and the put it in the car as she get in.

*** *** ***

Welcome to Kentucky the sign says. Hour 6 of the trip and we are using the togetherness time to really plunge the depths.
“Then Jenna comes in, totally knowing that she had just broken up with her boyfriend or like practically fiancé, and starts going off about how her man, or Cuban boy-toy, since I guess you can’t really like call him a man since he is still practically in college, is so sweet and sang her a song last night and starts talking about his abs. It was ridiculous! I was like, ‘are you serious? You know that she just broke up.’ And the instructor was trying to get involved, acting like we were disrupting things. People. You know?" A pensive pause while she looks out the window. "We are all just so… out there. In the world, and just blundering through trying not to be alone and stuff. I see all these women trying to like live a chick flick and be all quirky and witty and cute when they are crazy, but like its not real, its not them.”

I glance left, checking my blind spot and switch lanes. Yes, it is fantastic when she gets deep. “yeah, I know what you’re talking about. It’s the power of movies I guess. They both glamorize normal people and set the standard.” She ponders this for a minute.

“We got a new project for December and it’s a movie. We actually got like, the whole thing for it, not just print ads this time we are working to reach the target audiences with more than just like TV commercials and like this viral stuff with the internet, its pretty cutting edge stuff. I was pretty excited about it, but Jill was like real quiet when they announced it and just left the room quickly like she was upset. I have tried to talk to her before because she always has these like problems with the direction of the company, but at this point i was like, ‘whatever, she can freak out on her own’ and I was just going to let it be because it doesn’t really matter we are still totally doing the project. Then at lunch, Bethany said that Jill had gone and had a conversation with Sarah, you know Sarah? The one in H.R. that used to do those spinning classes? Anyways she wanted to be moved to another department which would totally mess the team because it would take a while to get another graphic designer and stuff."
"Yeah. That would totally mess up the team. You women and your emotions." I say and brace myself for her to espouse the feminist cause. She loves being offended.

"Noah. Just because we aren't robots doesn't mean we are dysfunctional. We brought back the highest numbers last quarter. Why? Because we are women. What a shocker that we know more about advertising to women than old fat guys. Actually, I think the emotional potential that women bring to economy is one of the only things that can save America from being completely heartless in the world."
Awkward silence.
"Sorry babe. I was just messing with you."
"I know you were, Noah. It just gets old, you know? I just really need you to engage and be here with me now. Be present. In the moment."
Awkard silence. I literally get physically uncomfortable when she goes poetic on me. I shake the shivers off and reach over and put my hand on her knee.

"I am here. I'm sorry. Pressure like that at work has to be tough on you. I think I was just trying to lighten things up. I know its serious." Now I am giving myself shivers. She puts her hand on mine and looks out the window. She can't get mad at an apology.

*****


Pulling off the freeway, I am thrust in to a flashing world of nostalgia. This is where I grew up. We drive through the stretch of malls and stores and movie theaters where I learned to drive, went on dates, and just sat around because everything closed so damn early. Images of people and situations and stories pop into my head. High School was such a phenomenon. What a twilight zone every Friday night was after a game. Such a weird little speck in time where young people feel super human and nothing ever seems like a bad idea.
"America is completely with out a sense of place. Everything looks the same. I don't even know if I am in Knoxville or any of the other states we stopped at in. That's why I love the city. It has character."
"Yeah..." I say, lost in the memory of a middle school adventure when me and three other guys stole large metal letters from some of the signs and then spelled the word "BALLS" on hill over looking the football field- just like the Hollywood letters.
Past the commercial part the suburb, we turn into my neighborhood. The hot summer days and countless miles I ran on these now dark, wet sidewalks come back to me. Life is so weird. But not as weird as my mom, who was sitting on the front porch of the small, yellow and green house where i grew up. She was sitting there rocking, shivering and smoking until she saw us and then sprang out of her chair will alarming quickness and started waving frantically.
"There she is." I say soberly as we pull in to the black top driveway and parked under the decrepit basketball hoop minus the hoop.
"Aww, your mom is so cute, Noah. Look how excited she is!" She says as she leans over me and waves out the window. I pull the e-brake, take a breath and open the door.

I Want a Boring Life

I Want A Boring Life.

Perhaps it is clear now that I toy around with, too much maybe, the multiple meanings of words- I probably give many of them my own meaning. In this post I will attempt to make the word boring cool. In a sentence, I want a boring life. Now here is the unnecessarily long blog post that unpacks this obnoxiously vague statement.

Life should be lived like a sniper*. We should have one specific mission in mind, one objective. From that point, we should streamline our lives into things that serve that purpose. Yes, this might mean that you need to stop doing 9 resume building activities every evening and do nothing but think and read and write for night or two...a week. Figure out what the hell you are doing the long term. This does not refer to simply a career direction, I'm talking even bigger. The "why" that lurks behind everything. You are volunteering at the hospital so you can put it on your med school applications, why are you going to med school? Why do you want to become a doctor? Is if for the respect? The money? The desire to help? Will this melt away if you don't get respect and you are "helping" the privileged maintain comfort or beauty? You opinionated poli-sci majors out there: stripped of ideals, adding in the reality of friends and family and rent and the dark month of February and times when the poor you are trying to help are spitting back what you give them or using the free medicine to sell, what is glue? Will this answer hold in 30 years? Will this answer hold on cold rainy mornings when no one is around?


All this to say I don't want to live a drama filled buck shot fest [buck shot being the sporadic, short range gun opposite of a sniper]. I was watching Definitely, Maybe and saw and nice example of a wandering, buck shot life. The man goes to propose to whom he has finally decided is the woman for him, only to find she slept with his roommate because she didn't know how to get out of the relationship. Then he finds another girl who picks her career over their relationship. Then when he is miserable, jobless, reclusive, he tells a similarly lost girl he has always loved her. This pisses her off because she wants a man that has his shit together. This sloppy, wandering, destructive and drama filled life is obviously exaggerated for the sake of the movie. But, through talking to friends and yes, at times my own life, this buck shot life is what many of us do.


Alternatively, I want to read much, think much, talk little. I want to prioritize and strategize so that my life can be boring, void of stupid drama born from selfish, shortsighted mistakes. There won't be any baby Mommas, there will be less long, painful conversations explaining why I hurt someone I cared about because I was selfish and confused, I won't have to see the pain in the eyes of someone I care about as you tell them that I don't want them because it's not the right time in my life. I want to be firm in my purpose so I do not need to draw meaning from minor distractions that pop up in the form of a cute girl or easy and available but meaningless job. I want my life to be drama free and boring. I want to work hard, love much, and sleep well as I snipe my life's purpose. This way I will not toy with people and relationships out of lostness and I don't end up hating where I am in life.


This is not to say that right now, at age 22, take a weekend and lock yourself into what must be your purpose for the rest of your life. This is not to say that finding a direction is a once in a life time thing. We must always be growing and changing. The application of this idea is to merely to say stop, think, be quiet, and consider what kind of life you want your days to, in summation, create. Then make it happen.


*Analogy taken from Mark Driscoll.