On Being Viral...

Viral marketing is the future of the world. Many of you are proud soldiers in the viral marketing army and don't even know. Any time you evangelize for gmail, the David Blaine spoofs on youtube, or funny blogs [like this one], you are participating in viral marketing. Due to the internet, if you make something funny or shocking enough, you do not have to spend any money on advertising at all. Who hasn't seen the fat guy lip sync to that numa song? Who hasn't

Good or bad? I don't know. But due to my 'job' this summer, I have become strongly embedded in the viral marketing phenomenon [let's be honest, thats mostly what this blog is]. So to hell with being subtle, here is some more blatant advertising.

In honor of the new Coldplay CD, here is some information you must read: SWPL: Coldplay

The "Fail" picture series is a great testament to the power of photography. Here are a few highlights:

Sign Fail:

Blindness sucks Fail:

^Lazy Worker Fail^

















Not Woman's
Best Friend Fail
























Boyfriend Fail











And last but not least, here is a fail video. The first few minutes are slow, but set it up for a killer ending.

The Death of Beauty

America is a great country, it truly is a blessing to live here. But we have got something very wrong by creating a culture that bastardizes beauty and often is too busy to notice. I do not say this angrily, it is truly a sad thing how little we focus on and appreciate beauty.

Exhibit A: In an experiment for the Washington Post, world famous violinist Joshua Bell took a cab to the Washington D.C. metro and played "Chaconne" from Johann Sebastian Bach's Partita No. 2 in D Minor - one of hardest and most beautiful violin solos ever written - on a 3.5 million dollar Stradivarius in the harsh, tiled room which, surprisingly, had decent acoustics.

Over 1,000 people walked by in the 45 minutes that he played, few stopped and even fewer dropped any money into the open violin case on the floor. Three days before, he sold out Boston's Symphony Hall where the cheap seats went for $100.

Clearly people do care for beauty but will pay for the status symbol of being seen at the orchestra and to feel cultured.

You can watch the video of this here. It sounds amazing. There is something intrinsically wrong with the American Dream if we have become insensitive to beauty because we are hell bent on success. The dream should be to arrive at a point where we can enjoy life, not chase it.

Tolstoy said it best:
"I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor-such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps-what more can the heart of a man desire?"

From "Family Happiness"

The Clash

Taking a break from the FDS, I have taken a stab at a legit topic and written an essay on the clash between suburbia and scripture based, Jesus lifestyles [which are pretty cool, btw]. I put it on the other site so it would take up as much space on the blog. Happy reading and let me know what you think. holler.

The Clash

Also, for all of you emergents out there, here is a special treat:


Rob Bell Burrito Spoof

Fundamental Diagreement Series Part II

**DISCLAIMER**

Allow me to make an important clarification. I agree with the movement to allow women to decide what they want to do with their lives and to be treated respectfully, etc.

I fundamentally disagree with Feminist Literary Theory.

This is one of the strongest areas of fundamental disagreement, or be the most fundamentally disagreeable part of the thing I hate the fundamentally disagree with the most [TBD]. I fundamentally disagree with it so much, I have two pictures for added emphasis. If these images do not give you the willies, I deeply fear for you.

Where as the feminist movement, after they quit trying to be men and started working towards choice and a healthy lifestyles, was quite positive and it has allowed for a lot of great women to contribute to the world. Feminist Literary Theory is a completely different monster that has little to do with anything, let alone hard working, creative women that are trying to impact society.

Feminist Literary Theory was mostly created by the French [I know, go figure]- mostly people with the title of "Naturalist" , what ever the hell that is. One of the cutting edge thoughts of this type of theory is that true feminism has never really be tried. Feminism is interconnected, overlapping, the diffusion of pleasure and power. The reason it has never been tried is because [this may be news to you] the world exists in a phallocentric mentality. Meaning things come to a point [yes, with a penis as a metaphor], a climax, an end. People set goals, formulate arguments, assign authority, schedule their lives etc. These are all very unfeminine things, apparently. You might be wondering, "How the hell would people talk or learn or do anything if there was no point or goal?" This would be a very astute question, one that raced around my brain for most of the fall of 2007 as I was forced to spend my fleeting youth learning this.

The irony enters when you observe that the "naturalists" that are making this argument and be quite unfeminine in doing so. A working model of a "fully realized feminine" does not seem to be able to function and would lead to wider spread starvation and anarchy. Feminist Literary theory is simply an empty, worthless, ineffective, and inapplicable frill of a theory that the progressive intellectuals of society embrace because it makes them feel smart about themselves and better than people that are trapped, ignorantly, in their "phallic" goals and arguments.

Fundamental Diagreement Series

Through a series of events and a major misunderstanding, someone thought that my summer job was to make a website about what I hate. This premise intrigued me as I consider myself a ranter but have never taken the time to really nail down the precise things that I hate.

However, due to another series of events, I have become more sensitive and maybe even partially converted to the hippie demographic and mentality[either real or self-proclaimed hippies are all the same to me]. So for the sake of the hippies out there I have changed it from "things I hate" to "things that I fundamentally disagree with".*

For all of you visual people out there, I have attempted clarify what these cleverly constructed sentences are saying with pictures. I welcome feedback and discussion so if you happen to like something that I hate, feel free to comment so I can change your mind.

Things I Fundamentally Disagree With:

I will start off slow.

I hate Panera Bread. But its not specifically Panera that I hate, its the foo foo marginally tasty food that will leave you hungry within a half an hour that is served at a plethora of restaurants to image-conscious white chicks. Soup in bread bowl? Get the hell out. 9 dollars for a weak-sauce sandwich with an ounce and a half of meat with a bag of organic potato chips? No freaking gracias.

Its not like you will ever be inches away from starvation and the only thing you can find is a Panera. There is almost ALWAYS a chipotle next door or across the street. Chipotle excels in every area where Panera struggles: It is extraordinarily tasty. it is cheaper. it has organically grown meat and vegetables. Best of all it does not leave you wanting. If humans could satisfy each other as well as Chipotle does, there would be no war, loneliness, or hunger. How's that for some hippie philosophy. But I digress.

Next, I hate coffee:

This bitter, inefficient, addictive, and unhealthy drink absolutely baffles me. Don't get me wrong, I have things I like to consume that are not necessarily healthy, such as Mountain Dew, doughnuts, pizza, Graeters Ice Cream, but there is a important difference between these blessings from above and coffee: they taste good, they do not induce dependency, and they have minimal withdrawal symptoms. People have allowed themselves to become conditioned to the point where they need to stop by Starbucks for their "Grande Latte Enema" every day on the way to work in order to feel ready to go. I should open up my own drive-thru where I will charge 5$ dollars to ruin your teeth, spill hot brown liquids on your lap, inject you with sugar and caffeine which will cause you to crash within an hour and ruin your circadian rhythm, and make you grouchy, thus ruining your relationships. On top of all that, you will be unable to resist the urge to come back for more.

While drinking a mountain dew at church one morning, someone came up to me and exclaimed, "How can you drink that so early in the morning?!?!"

"Easy," I replied, "It doesn't taste like scalding water that has had some foreign grown, burnt, brown, pellets of nastiness squeezed into it."

The third thing that I hate was imagined when a group fat, beady eyed, dark suited, little men got together in a room circa 1950 and had a conversation that went something like this:

Fat, round guy: "Ok men, Americans are too happy and content. We need to create large buildings that are cool to be seen at and that exude unreachable ideals of beauty, wealth, security, and happiness."

Beady eyed, fat man: "Yes, and we will tell them that buying things they don't need will get them closer to these ridiculous ideals."

Fatty McFatyson: "And there will be a huge place in the building where they can get the worst and most unhealthy imitations of ethnic food ever to be sold at ungodly high prices. "

Tubby, bald, red-faced man: "Ha, Ha, this will be like kicking Americans in their collective balls!"

Beady eyed, fat man: " Muahahaha! Yes, What shall we call these ball crushing monuments to the stupidity of the masses? What about 'Bonuments?"

Fat, round guy: "No. Gentlemen, we have just created...Malls!"

All: "YAY!"

These are some of the first few things of this uplifting series. Do check back for more entries on the FDS and other topics.


* may it be known that if one accepts the premise that there is good and evil in the world, I feel that you cannot be 'good' with out hating evil. Thus, it is perfectly normal - even "right" to hate. There I said it. It is impossible to "not hate anything". Freakin hippies

Affirmative Action Seat Buddies

I have been taking the bus to work. It saves me about 7 dollars a day, though it almost triples my travel time. But being a poor intern, I have more time than money. Also, the trees say thanks when I walk by.

The bus does provide a fantastic people watching arena, with demographics you can't find anywhere else. On the bus today I realized that black people are once again victims. They are victims of what I am calling "Affirmative Action Seat Buddies."

This is a situation which begins with a young black guy sitting next to the window, nodding to ipoded hip-hop [yes I am guessing, but I have yet to see someone get his nod on to Deathcab or an Of Montreal remix feat. DMX] , rockin [wearing] his Tims [Boots made by Timberland Inc.], and flossin [wearing, again] his jeans with patches that represent every NBA team, minding his own business. Sounds innocent right? Unfortunately this guy is a prime target for 'AASB'. Next, a 'progressive' middle aged white lady, who is already quite in love with herself for taking the bus to work, will survey the half full bus and choose to sit with him instead of the other middle age white people. This lady will then sit down, place her over-sized purse on her lap and sit there, very stiffly, with a look of disgusting self-satisfaction on her face as she looks around at all of the other white people up to their eyes in bigotry as they sit alone in a row and rejoices that she has saved the planet and bridged social bridges. All on the way to work.